i can't help but feel like a total loser

Today I re-applied for high school. Didn't re-applied yesterday because I was still in Bogor with my family and Felix. There wasn't a lot of people and I only have to wait for about 15 minutes to get the print out of my application, not like the previous application which I had to wait for about 4 hours.
After I re-applied, I went back home and just sitting back watching TV and eating whatever's on the table. After that I got bored so I turned on the computer and opened my twitter.
Just a few minutes after I tweet, my friend, Rahma, told me that I was already in the 121st rank in my 2nd choice. This means, I didn't get accepted at my 1st choice. I originally didn't want to check my rank until tomorrow afternoon (the result's tomorrow afternoon) so Rahma's tweet was the first and last info about me until tomorrow afternoon. This means InsyaAllah I'll get accepted at one of the four other high schools I've chosen which are not bad.
But I can't help to feel like a total crap knowing that my score is just 0,2 scores away from getting into my 1st choice. And also knowing that a friend of mine who bought answers to UAN is currently in the middle rank of my 1st choice and I think s/he will get accepted. I know this isn't my fault but I keep feeling like a total loser.
I keep thinking that I let my parents down even though I know that they're still proud of me and I keep blaming the people who bought answers when I know that it's really none of their fault that I was rejected.
Now I'm crying while writing this post still wondering why am I crying? I think this is what you called disappointment.